a!

burning

2006-06-28T08:09:14Z

i'm sitting here in my basement on my mom's computer watching star wars and i can't get to sleep. so i've been looking through tons and tons of photos of my mom's on here, and i'm feeling a bit nostalgic. minimal captions. just ask.

first and only bat mitzah of a friend's i have ever been to!

i like the way i look here, i'm like thirteen though =/

luv these guysz

be safe

we were stars

santa claus on the beach

hollywood

fish and their man

white houses 2004

sort of crew

english summer sun

don't ever be gone for good

end. if you read this or just look at it, comment okay? i'm feeling pathetic lately and myspace blog comments won't change it, but i like hi how are yous now and again. these are all from some of my favorite points in my life, it's okay. sorry it's 3am and i wish i could fly. how lame. i'm on my second star wars now, by the way. empire strikes back. my favorite.

burning

2006-06-28T07:42:14Z

i'm sitting here in my basement on my mom's computer watching star wars and i can't get to sleep. so i've been looking through tons and tons of photos of my mom's on here, and i'm feeling a bit nostalgic. minimal captions. just ask.

first and only bat mitzah of a friend's i have ever been to!

end. if you read this or just look at it, comment okay? i'm feeling pathetic lately and myspace blog comments won't change it, but i like hi how are yous now and again. these are all from some of my favorite points in my life, it's okay. sorry it's 3am and i wish i could fly. how lame. i'm on my second star wars now, by the way. empire strikes back. my favorite.

summertime blues.?

2006-06-21T20:37:34Z

Sam left for camp this morning. I won't talk to him until August 19th, which is crazy, because for the past four months or so, there's probably never been a day we haven't spoken.

This week is on overload. I"m not used to doing so much work. I've been babysitting for Don's (my English teacher)kids this week, 10am-4pm and it has been INSANE. I'm so incredibly grateful that he called me, that he asked me to do it - and I love his kids - but it's a little much. And they always want to play in the backyard and it is basically a mosquito haven out there - I have enormouse red welts all over my legs, it is horrific.

The other night Joe, Sam and I went to Coldstone together. It was the first time I saw Joe since school let out, basically. Sort of depressing, yes? A few nights ago I spoke with him and I guess tried to make things work - essentially I said if you don't call or make an effort, it's over - and I hope he makes it to round 2. Meaning, I hope he attempts to contact me. Because I don't want it to be over, but I don't know what else to do.

expo___86 @ 2006-06-14T21:16:00

2006-06-15T01:30:59Z

I FINALLY spoke to him, but I don't want to talk about thatttttttttttt.

HOPEFULLY I'm going to be going to LONG ISLAND for REAL in TWO WEEKS.

expo___86 @ 2006-06-13T09:14:00

2006-06-13T13:26:08Z

I've been waiting out these last couple of days to see how long it would take before my "boyfriend" attempted to contact me. It's been almost a week now. School let out a week ago. We had the best last day together, why can't he see that? I hate this.

Anyways, as I said it's only been a week and I can already tell how the summer's going to be. Sam's away most of the time, and when he's not away, I will be. Raven is being annoying/difficult/bitchy/self-centered/etc...basically anything you could say. Jenna of course is neutral, but she can be hard to hang out with for an extended period of time...she's sweet and I love her, but things tend to get awkward. Oh and I don't think I need to mention Joe.

My art classes start in a few weeks. I haven't told Raven I've signed up for them yet. She'll be pissed. I will have to act like it was a surprise from my mother. Hopefully I'll make friends there, friends enough to preoccupy my boredom.

Perhaps I will start working at coldstone creamery. Fuck. What I don't understand is the whole filling out a job application thing wherein they specify it's neccessary to have already had jobs. How am I supposed to get a job if I've never had a job?

the carpet, too, is moving under you

2006-06-09T15:48:32Z

i'm so tired of this. why doesn't he want me anymore like he used to. now i feel like everything is all about sex and i just feel so used. i was looking at our old IM convos and they were so cute and every single time he IM'd me and it was so perfect and we were new to one another. i can't take it anymore. he's never online anymore, we never have long conversations anymore, he never calls, and i'm just so empty when it comes to our relationship. i'm so sad because of it. but i don't show it. i really like him a lot. but the only time we ever talk is when we're around other people. because when it's just us, we're all over each other. and i guess it's my fault too, i let myself go. i shouldn't have. what's wrong with me. why can't we have normal conversations and laugh and look into each others faces like we used to. i don't like who i am when i'm with him and we're alone. i don't know what else to do. i mean i love it in the moment. it's not terrible. we do laugh and smile, but it's between kisses. it's okay i guess, but the only problem is that when i get home i know he's not going to call or anything. the worst thing is i'm really into him, i can't just leave him. i have to figure out a way to make this work. i'm scared. jesus christ, i don't know what's wrong with me. this is the last thing i wanted to happen. why is this happening. i want a boy that cares about me, and i want it t o be joe. i think i love him, sincerely, and it's a good feeling. i don't want to waste it, on this relationship that's slowly spinning out of my control.

last night when i was feeling really really down, so alone, sam called. it was like 1200am. it was the best timing ever. it made me feel less alone. we talked for a while and it made me feel good. then i went to sleep and had some crazy olivia dreams. thanks my friend.

i sincerely love live journal

2006-06-09T01:55:41Z

the reason i never update is because i have no friends on here.
be friends with me??
here i'll even be classy and lj-esque and post some pictures UNDER A CUT, eeesh

look to the left

flying in space

i forget her name
one of the best days of my life
i love my friends

clothing

2006-05-07T21:57:51Z

$22
http://www.thevintagevault.citymax.com/catalog/item/2580522/2100130.htm

$10
shirt . http://www.yesterdaysmoment.com/sheerlightgreentop.htm

$25
http://www.vintage-doll.com/catalog/item/2287671/2648605.htm#image_1

$44

$34
http://www.porkchopgirl.com/063.html

total - $135

breaking up

2006-04-03T23:30:53Z

i don't really know how i feel right now. so many emotions at this moment, throughout this entire day.

i'll continue this later.

explosion

2006-03-25T02:30:38Z

i could just do that, explode. i'm sick of joe and his inability to communicate. maybe i'm being crazy with this, but i'm not at all used to a relationship like this. at all. i'm sticking it out because i like him so goddamn much. i don't know if that's a good thing. i'm second guessing this all over the place. i'm confused about so many things right now.

tomorrow at 8am i leave for virginia with my mom. at first i didn't want to go, but now i realize it will be good for me. give me a chance to think and clear my head, i guess. four days without worrying about whether or not we'll ever get around to doing something will be nice.

and then i'll get back and just hang out with jenna for a few days. and then ravencomes home from rome and the three of us will have a very lovely rest of spring break.

i mean whatever basically.

leeroy leeroy leeroy

2006-03-05T18:30:06Z

last night was incredible. even better than i thought it would be. soph hop is not overrated whatsoever. i can't get over it. after the initial awkwardness, during dinner, with the four of us - raven, frank, and joe - it was fun. frank is such a moron i can't even stand it. he's an idiot, there is no brain inside his head. that was mean. but anyways. he was sort of an asshole to raven, too, which i wasn't expecting, but i won't get into it.

once we got to the dance we sort of stood around for like a half hour or something until we decided to dance. i had nooo idea what to do. i wanted to dance, but i was so nervous, with joe and all. in the beginning it was funny - joe didn't really know what to do, he was so unbelievably adorable. and then i guess we pretty much got into it, and it was insane amounts of fun.

annnnnnnnnnd afterwards was fun too. curfew was 1230, so we went to ihop after. it was raven, frank, mariah, joe, and i. that was hilarious. our meal total was like $40, but we all put in too much money and we ended up giving a $20 tip to our waiter, leeroy. on purpose. we put $60 dollars and 60 cents down and ran out the restaurant. oh my goodness that was hilarious. we drove around for a while and then went back to my home, the boys left and mariah and raven slept over. awesome awesome fun night.

oh, i almost forgot the mention that joe got a haircut yesterday wee :)
he looked soooooooooooooooo cute

sam said something entertaining today

2006-03-03T01:35:54Z

not only was it entertaining, but it was actually funny. usually sam says things that make me laugh, but only due to the immense ridiculousness involved. but i won't bother to describe what the specific instance was. it wouldn't be worth it. i guess i'll just say that i'm moving to the other table.

my mood is almost always exhausted. not really. but it feels like it.

i can't believe soph hop is the day after tomorrow. and i can't believe i'm going with the cutest boy in my school. and i can't believe he's my boyfriend. and i can't believe how insanely lucky i am.

and i should mention my dress for soph hop is the prettiest most glamorous dress i think i've ever seen. it's basically audrey hepburn rocks the casbah. i wouldn't have it any other way.

yes

2006-02-23T02:17:53Z

i dont want to shout

valentine's day

2006-02-15T21:08:19Z

mahh!! kiss kiss kiss. definitely by far the best valentine's day ever. i think joe is the most unromantic boy i have ever met. but it's okay. for the most part. i kind of like it. we watched charlie brown's valentine's special. it was so unbelievably cute. the coolest thing is this. yesterday was our orchestra field trip and i basically got to spend the whole day with him. lovelylovelylovely. i really like him. a lot. sometimes i think valentine's day is overrated. but then i come to my senses and remember how cute boys like joe are.

it says "i heart huckabees" on my desktop. and i don't know why. it's just sort of embedded in the make up of my computer now. i think i had it as the background of my computer like a year ago. and i don't know. it's just chilling there, all faded like. it is somewhat annoying. and in way of joaquin, almost.

the pennyyyy

2006-02-12T03:58:46Z

i want to make mention of the shrinking value of the penny. i have noticed that every time i go into a gas station now, they don't care if you don't have a penny. they are prepared for you to be a penny off. in fact, most gas stations will just round it off when giving change. the penny was created when it had some value. with inflation, it just doesn't have value anymore. and it is just taking up space in my pocket. should we get rid of the penny? who really cares anyways.

andddd. ahem, i love blingo. i'm probably either going to get nick drake or mirah. with my super gift card.

leaning toward mirahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i should also make mention that last night was freaking amazing.

expo___86 @ 2006-02-08T20:35:00

2006-02-09T02:01:40Z

so basically

i'm just incredibly happy
happy like i was during the summer
which is outta control wonderful

today was a really fine day
everything just went alright
i don't really know how else to say it

soooo today. meeting was quite lovely. i sat next to joe. :) it was the most at ease i've ever felt during meeting. i felt so incredibly calm... and centeralized, sort of, i can't even speak it. after it was over, we stood up and i grabbed his hand. i knew there was no chance of him doing that, so i did. and we held hands the whole time, walking back. we went the long way and talked about bob dylan and had a lot of silence. whenever it's silent with us, it always feels so right. nothing awkward about it, really. the more i think about it, the more i realize it's okay. i told him i like being with him. i just blurted out "i like being with you, joe." he sort of cutely stumbled over his words and replied "me too." it was a little weird, but okay then.

as of last challange on runway, danny v is IMMUNE! that means...top four.
i'm abnormally happy about that. he is a genius with fabric, lemme say.

raven &&&& i wrote a killah song today
'ode to jeff basch'
i'm pretty much in love with it
i'm learning the chords, sort of
so it's cool like that
it's hilarious
i love jeff basch
coolest seventh grader ever

adsfdfgkjdhfgh!!!!!
everything in its right place

why

2006-02-05T21:08:29Z

why can't this stupid boy make plans with me today
i'm so incredibly frustrated i could just fry my brain

he has absolutely nooo idea how much i am infactuated with him
meow please call me or something idiot
i cant believe this
nevermind--
yes it can, it's joe

ughghhghghgg i'm going to go in my room and
listen to joni mitchelle and look at pictures
of me smiling with people i don't talk to anymore

classes can suck it

2006-01-31T01:48:26Z

crap, today, stupid head. i wonder if i hadn't say the few things i did to him he would have even looked at me today. i said like three things to him today. and then i waved stupidly to him goodbye. that was DUMB.

but walking home was absolutely the best thing ever moldy peaches really make me smile like nothing else does.

i really want friday night back. it was so nice, i can't explain it. holding hands & leaning on his shoulder, so perfect, so perfect.

sigh

2006-01-29T22:11:26Z

tomorrow i get to go to school and see the boy that is not my boyfriend but whom i held hands with at the movies on friday. god, that was really the best time i've had with anyone other than like raven in a long time. i haven't felt that comfortable in a really long time. he is so incredibly cute. the fact that he's 6'2'' is kind of unsettling though. it's a bit awkward, but that's the only thing in that category i can think of between the two of us. sighhh. we'll be sitting together, and although we barely know each other, when it's silent, it isn't awkward. it's very odd, all things considered. but i like it. i don't know what will happen tomorrow. i don't know, i don't know. but i'm excited. friday was so perfect. we saw munich, which was quite intense. i like him a lot a lot a lot.

no one reads this, which i can't decide whether or not that's a good thing. but considering what i just wrote, it's good. haha okay. i was stupid and cleared all the music off my ipod. i've been sitting here for like an hour waiting for it to reload onto it.

it's okay though. because i'm really happy.

expo___86 @ 2005-10-15T16:57:00

2005-10-15T20:57:54Z

ghey ghey ghey ghey ghey

things are so ghey

god

pfft pfft pfft

i feel like the most biggest loser on the planet

dund und udnjdkjhf

ppppfffffft

miss you

i'm so dumb

2005-09-26T00:49:10Z

every single motherfucking day i wish i could go back in time.

yeah yeah, maybe this will pass

maybe it won't

i could write a book on how i feel. i know i could. i think i will.

not now though. duh. maybe tomorrow.

gahhh.

reminising, however its spelled

2005-08-26T06:24:14Z

so alright.
i've been reminising a lot lately. and i'm realizing that someone i miss being around most isn't a person from cayuga, but just a person i never see anymore. weird how things turn out. someone i live like 2 miles away from is someone i miss more than some people that like 200 miles away from. god, i am such an idiot. i hope i don't fuck things up again.

although don't get me wrong, i miss my cayuga kids like carazyyy. especially liz cullen "rocks", my hero! ah, but me and that girl have got mega plans and we're gonna see each other at least once a month and go to kick ass shows in nyc and philadelphia, starting with BANE in october. i'm pumped.

that's all for now.

HELLO! FREAKING CAMP PHOTOS!

2005-08-24T01:23:10Z

finally, i've got some camp photos up here
this is sooo much easier than xanga, i'm not gonna lie.

CLARISSA!

kyle! on the magical mystery "my parents don't love me" tour! (visiting day)

freaking ddr at the bowling alley..

french kid!

old lady wearing a hat in mcdonalds!

i love this photo of (technically) kyle &i

kyle & random kid asleep on the bus

death vision, don't fuckin mess

hahahahhaha

allie! <3

cancer patient!

a bit blury but yeah we keep it real in g 24<3

marisa and alexa!

ahhh eric is the silver surfer

yeahhh boii

i LOVE this photo, my best friend LIZ and jeremy<3

this is soo cool, tashza!

one of my favorite thirteen year olds, steven, and LIZ!

hahah random

augusta's tummy is satisfied

midnight snacks rule

me and allie canoe hardcorrrrrrre

augusta drowning

augusta wind surfing

blury! me and LIIIIZ

my two other favorite thirteen year old boys, izzie and zack, who happen to be wearing volcom shirts...on the same day!

javier & hammer, salsa dancing for miss cayuga

JEREMY!

i look really weird here, but me & allie, on the canoe trip, the worst day of our lives..10 miles of canoeing the delaware river..

"hey, are we in new york?"

i'm always making thumbs up signs in photos, because i am a dork

me and lizzyy<3

i think augusta was trying to display her galloping?

w00t!

trying to stay awake until two in the morning when OD leaves is...interesting

partyy, holmessssss

dancing in the dining hall to strange polish techno r00lz!

the only photo of my love, fraser, i have...ahahhahah

jaime in the back, matt and augusta!

these are kind of out of order

augusta looks like she could stop time or something if she wanted to

sideways..oops, me & mattycakes, my bffeaeaeaeaeae

prom! allie, liz & i!

sideways again..uh me & clarisa on our way to prom

ah! augusta, izzie, zack, and josh at the banquet!

augusta and her date ("oh, it was a girl?")

KYLE!

ahh i love this one. peter, me, kyle and lizzz

freaking blury, me and KYLE, my date

liz and karla sort of in the background

word, keep it real

i look retarded

although i look like a drunk sorority girl (with sunburn none the less), this is me and my future husband, james, liz's brah

TROY & JESSICA!

MATT DODGE IS OLDER THAN I AM...and i love him..

haha our coupling was a little backwards..kyle was sitting on cody and i was sitting on clarisa...hey we were all next to each other!

liz, paigey, and i on the last night, can you tell i had been crying? gah

clarissaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

haha i fell asleep for like 5 minutes

TRAVIS<3 and ALLIE

liz's bum

random kyle

the burning of the C although you can't really see it:(

figures the only photo of jaime i have is of him sleeping

dance party... to the extreme, ahhh

yeah SA, word

w00t paige dana and lizzzzzzzz

golf carting it up

kyle & i :)

whipped cream fight #1

whipped cream fight #2

annnnnd #3

yum

g 27! haha i spent more time in there than i did in my cabin

emo grace & julie! what!!

we literally listened to track 2 on the billy corgan cd like 15 times, that NIGHT

eric!

without the flash strange things happen

troy, in his cabin, the last day :( (i was in b25!)

can you tell i think rotating's a bitch?
augusta & her dad, so cool!

i have loads more but eh this is enough

nevah fearr

2005-08-23T15:37:50Z

i'm going to put camp photos on here i swear !

uhh i have to figure out how to do an lj cut first...

wahh!

my favorite musicians

2005-04-23T02:35:33Z

i love how
just spending the afternoon in shane's bedroom
allsnuggledupclose
is enough to make me the happiest person alive
:)