| burning |
[28 Jun 2006|03:49am] |
i'm sitting here in my basement on my mom's computer watching star wars and i can't get to sleep. so i've been looking through tons and tons of photos of my mom's on here, and i'm feeling a bit nostalgic. minimal captions. just ask.
first and only bat mitzah of a friend's i have ever been to!
i like the way i look here, i'm like thirteen though =/
luv these guysz
be safe
we were stars
santa claus on the beach
hollywood
fish and their man
white houses 2004
sort of crew
english summer sun
don't ever be gone for good
end. if you read this or just look at it, comment okay? i'm feeling pathetic lately and myspace blog comments won't change it, but i like hi how are yous now and again. these are all from some of my favorite points in my life, it's okay. sorry it's 3am and i wish i could fly. how lame. i'm on my second star wars now, by the way. empire strikes back. my favorite.
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| burning |
[28 Jun 2006|03:42am] |
i'm sitting here in my basement on my mom's computer watching star wars and i can't get to sleep. so i've been looking through tons and tons of photos of my mom's on here, and i'm feeling a bit nostalgic. minimal captions. just ask.
first and only bat mitzah of a friend's i have ever been to!
end. if you read this or just look at it, comment okay? i'm feeling pathetic lately and myspace blog comments won't change it, but i like hi how are yous now and again. these are all from some of my favorite points in my life, it's okay. sorry it's 3am and i wish i could fly. how lame. i'm on my second star wars now, by the way. empire strikes back. my favorite.
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| summertime blues.? |
[21 Jun 2006|04:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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toddlered out |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
joni mitchell |
] |
Sam left for camp this morning. I won't talk to him until August 19th, which is crazy, because for the past four months or so, there's probably never been a day we haven't spoken.
This week is on overload. I"m not used to doing so much work. I've been babysitting for Don's (my English teacher)kids this week, 10am-4pm and it has been INSANE. I'm so incredibly grateful that he called me, that he asked me to do it - and I love his kids - but it's a little much. And they always want to play in the backyard and it is basically a mosquito haven out there - I have enormouse red welts all over my legs, it is horrific.
The other night Joe, Sam and I went to Coldstone together. It was the first time I saw Joe since school let out, basically. Sort of depressing, yes? A few nights ago I spoke with him and I guess tried to make things work - essentially I said if you don't call or make an effort, it's over - and I hope he makes it to round 2. Meaning, I hope he attempts to contact me. Because I don't want it to be over, but I don't know what else to do.
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[14 Jun 2006|09:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hey boy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
strangers on a train |
] |
I FINALLY spoke to him, but I don't want to talk about thatttttttttttt.
HOPEFULLY I'm going to be going to LONG ISLAND for REAL in TWO WEEKS.
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[13 Jun 2006|09:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
birds chirping |
] |
I've been waiting out these last couple of days to see how long it would take before my "boyfriend" attempted to contact me. It's been almost a week now. School let out a week ago. We had the best last day together, why can't he see that? I hate this.
Anyways, as I said it's only been a week and I can already tell how the summer's going to be. Sam's away most of the time, and when he's not away, I will be. Raven is being annoying/difficult/bitchy/self-centered/etc...basically anything you could say. Jenna of course is neutral, but she can be hard to hang out with for an extended period of time...she's sweet and I love her, but things tend to get awkward. Oh and I don't think I need to mention Joe.
My art classes start in a few weeks. I haven't told Raven I've signed up for them yet. She'll be pissed. I will have to act like it was a surprise from my mother. Hopefully I'll make friends there, friends enough to preoccupy my boredom.
Perhaps I will start working at coldstone creamery. Fuck. What I don't understand is the whole filling out a job application thing wherein they specify it's neccessary to have already had jobs. How am I supposed to get a job if I've never had a job?
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| the carpet, too, is moving under you |
[09 Jun 2006|11:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bob dylan - i shall be released |
] |
i'm so tired of this. why doesn't he want me anymore like he used to. now i feel like everything is all about sex and i just feel so used. i was looking at our old IM convos and they were so cute and every single time he IM'd me and it was so perfect and we were new to one another. i can't take it anymore. he's never online anymore, we never have long conversations anymore, he never calls, and i'm just so empty when it comes to our relationship. i'm so sad because of it. but i don't show it. i really like him a lot. but the only time we ever talk is when we're around other people. because when it's just us, we're all over each other. and i guess it's my fault too, i let myself go. i shouldn't have. what's wrong with me. why can't we have normal conversations and laugh and look into each others faces like we used to. i don't like who i am when i'm with him and we're alone. i don't know what else to do. i mean i love it in the moment. it's not terrible. we do laugh and smile, but it's between kisses. it's okay i guess, but the only problem is that when i get home i know he's not going to call or anything. the worst thing is i'm really into him, i can't just leave him. i have to figure out a way to make this work. i'm scared. jesus christ, i don't know what's wrong with me. this is the last thing i wanted to happen. why is this happening. i want a boy that cares about me, and i want it t o be joe. i think i love him, sincerely, and it's a good feeling. i don't want to waste it, on this relationship that's slowly spinning out of my control.
last night when i was feeling really really down, so alone, sam called. it was like 1200am. it was the best timing ever. it made me feel less alone. we talked for a while and it made me feel good. then i went to sleep and had some crazy olivia dreams. thanks my friend.
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| i sincerely love live journal |
[08 Jun 2006|09:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pink floyd - piper |
] |
the reason i never update is because i have no friends on here.
be friends with me??
here i'll even be classy and lj-esque and post some pictures UNDER A CUT, eeesh
( tuesday )
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| breaking up |
[03 Apr 2006|04:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
MIRAH |
] |
i don't really know how i feel right now. so many emotions at this moment, throughout this entire day.
i'll continue this later.
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| explosion |
[24 Mar 2006|09:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
mirah - ipod is on shuffle! |
] |
i could just do that, explode. i'm sick of joe and his inability to communicate. maybe i'm being crazy with this, but i'm not at all used to a relationship like this. at all. i'm sticking it out because i like him so goddamn much. i don't know if that's a good thing. i'm second guessing this all over the place. i'm confused about so many things right now.
tomorrow at 8am i leave for virginia with my mom. at first i didn't want to go, but now i realize it will be good for me. give me a chance to think and clear my head, i guess. four days without worrying about whether or not we'll ever get around to doing something will be nice.
and then i'll get back and just hang out with jenna for a few days. and then ravencomes home from rome and the three of us will have a very lovely rest of spring break.
i mean whatever basically.
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| leeroy leeroy leeroy |
[05 Mar 2006|01:21pm] |
last night was incredible. even better than i thought it would be. soph hop is not overrated whatsoever. i can't get over it. after the initial awkwardness, during dinner, with the four of us - raven, frank, and joe - it was fun. frank is such a moron i can't even stand it. he's an idiot, there is no brain inside his head. that was mean. but anyways. he was sort of an asshole to raven, too, which i wasn't expecting, but i won't get into it.
once we got to the dance we sort of stood around for like a half hour or something until we decided to dance. i had nooo idea what to do. i wanted to dance, but i was so nervous, with joe and all. in the beginning it was funny - joe didn't really know what to do, he was so unbelievably adorable. and then i guess we pretty much got into it, and it was insane amounts of fun.
annnnnnnnnnd afterwards was fun too. curfew was 1230, so we went to ihop after. it was raven, frank, mariah, joe, and i. that was hilarious. our meal total was like $40, but we all put in too much money and we ended up giving a $20 tip to our waiter, leeroy. on purpose. we put $60 dollars and 60 cents down and ran out the restaurant. oh my goodness that was hilarious. we drove around for a while and then went back to my home, the boys left and mariah and raven slept over. awesome awesome fun night.
oh, i almost forgot the mention that joe got a haircut yesterday wee :)
he looked soooooooooooooooo cute
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| sam said something entertaining today |
[02 Mar 2006|08:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 enraged |
] |
| [ |
music |
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adam green - gemstones |
] |
not only was it entertaining, but it was actually funny. usually sam says things that make me laugh, but only due to the immense ridiculousness involved. but i won't bother to describe what the specific instance was. it wouldn't be worth it. i guess i'll just say that i'm moving to the other table.
my mood is almost always exhausted. not really. but it feels like it.
i can't believe soph hop is the day after tomorrow. and i can't believe i'm going with the cutest boy in my school. and i can't believe he's my boyfriend. and i can't believe how insanely lucky i am.
and i should mention my dress for soph hop is the prettiest most glamorous dress i think i've ever seen. it's basically audrey hepburn rocks the casbah. i wouldn't have it any other way.
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| yes |
[22 Feb 2006|09:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
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fairport convention |
] |
i dont want to shout
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| valentine's day |
[15 Feb 2006|04:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
moldy peaches? |
] |
mahh!! kiss kiss kiss. definitely by far the best valentine's day ever. i think joe is the most unromantic boy i have ever met. but it's okay. for the most part. i kind of like it. we watched charlie brown's valentine's special. it was so unbelievably cute. the coolest thing is this. yesterday was our orchestra field trip and i basically got to spend the whole day with him. lovelylovelylovely. i really like him. a lot. sometimes i think valentine's day is overrated. but then i come to my senses and remember how cute boys like joe are.
it says "i heart huckabees" on my desktop. and i don't know why. it's just sort of embedded in the make up of my computer now. i think i had it as the background of my computer like a year ago. and i don't know. it's just chilling there, all faded like. it is somewhat annoying. and in way of joaquin, almost.
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| the pennyyyy |
[11 Feb 2006|10:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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mirahhhh! |
] |
i want to make mention of the shrinking value of the penny. i have noticed that every time i go into a gas station now, they don't care if you don't have a penny. they are prepared for you to be a penny off. in fact, most gas stations will just round it off when giving change. the penny was created when it had some value. with inflation, it just doesn't have value anymore. and it is just taking up space in my pocket. should we get rid of the penny? who really cares anyways.
andddd. ahem, i love blingo. i'm probably either going to get nick drake or mirah. with my super gift card.
leaning toward mirahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i should also make mention that last night was freaking amazing.
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[08 Feb 2006|08:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
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johnny cash |
] |
so basically
i'm just incredibly happy
happy like i was during the summer
which is outta control wonderful
today was a really fine day
everything just went alright
i don't really know how else to say it
soooo today. meeting was quite lovely. i sat next to joe. :) it was the most at ease i've ever felt during meeting. i felt so incredibly calm... and centeralized, sort of, i can't even speak it. after it was over, we stood up and i grabbed his hand. i knew there was no chance of him doing that, so i did. and we held hands the whole time, walking back. we went the long way and talked about bob dylan and had a lot of silence. whenever it's silent with us, it always feels so right. nothing awkward about it, really. the more i think about it, the more i realize it's okay. i told him i like being with him. i just blurted out "i like being with you, joe." he sort of cutely stumbled over his words and replied "me too." it was a little weird, but okay then.
as of last challange on runway, danny v is IMMUNE! that means...top four.
i'm abnormally happy about that. he is a genius with fabric, lemme say.
raven &&&& i wrote a killah song today
'ode to jeff basch'
i'm pretty much in love with it
i'm learning the chords, sort of
so it's cool like that
it's hilarious
i love jeff basch
coolest seventh grader ever
adsfdfgkjdhfgh!!!!!
everything in its right place
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| why |
[05 Feb 2006|04:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
joni mitchelle |
] |
why can't this stupid boy make plans with me today
i'm so incredibly frustrated i could just fry my brain
he has absolutely nooo idea how much i am infactuated with him
meow please call me or something idiot
i cant believe this
nevermind--
yes it can, it's joe
ughghhghghgg i'm going to go in my room and
listen to joni mitchelle and look at pictures
of me smiling with people i don't talk to anymore
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| classes can suck it |
[30 Jan 2006|08:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
moldy peaches slash some ill ladytron |
] |
crap, today, stupid head. i wonder if i hadn't say the few things i did to him he would have even looked at me today. i said like three things to him today. and then i waved stupidly to him goodbye. that was DUMB.
but walking home was absolutely the best thing ever moldy peaches really make me smile like nothing else does.
i really want friday night back. it was so nice, i can't explain it. holding hands & leaning on his shoulder, so perfect, so perfect.
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| sigh |
[29 Jan 2006|05:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
moldy peaches |
] |
tomorrow i get to go to school and see the boy that is not my boyfriend but whom i held hands with at the movies on friday. god, that was really the best time i've had with anyone other than like raven in a long time. i haven't felt that comfortable in a really long time. he is so incredibly cute. the fact that he's 6'2'' is kind of unsettling though. it's a bit awkward, but that's the only thing in that category i can think of between the two of us. sighhh. we'll be sitting together, and although we barely know each other, when it's silent, it isn't awkward. it's very odd, all things considered. but i like it. i don't know what will happen tomorrow. i don't know, i don't know. but i'm excited. friday was so perfect. we saw munich, which was quite intense. i like him a lot a lot a lot.
no one reads this, which i can't decide whether or not that's a good thing. but considering what i just wrote, it's good. haha okay. i was stupid and cleared all the music off my ipod. i've been sitting here for like an hour waiting for it to reload onto it.
it's okay though. because i'm really happy.
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[15 Oct 2005|04:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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joy division |
] |
ghey ghey ghey ghey ghey
things are so ghey
god
pfft pfft pfft
i feel like the most biggest loser on the planet
dund und udnjdkjhf
ppppfffffft
miss you
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